omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
