"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
only you would photoshop your dick
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
