my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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