I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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