I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
