I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
