I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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