absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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