the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love you.
Bad choice
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