She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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