Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You pole danced in your parka.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
