The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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