hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
