You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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