I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
