No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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