dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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