When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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