I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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