i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize