thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
