The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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