Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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