So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
