How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Blood and glitter go together right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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