You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
