recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
