I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
