3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize