I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
