new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
