We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize