when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
