I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
