Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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