I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
