did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
