you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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