She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
