I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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