I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
