He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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