When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
