just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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