Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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