oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
