I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
