I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This house was built for laser tag.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That accounts for only three of the penises
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
