Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
