god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
