The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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