It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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