That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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