I showed him my bush... on skype.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
