if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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