We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
