..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
