I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
