you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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