I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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